I don’t want to hurt anyone

I don’t want to hurt anyone……

My 11 year old son told me that tonight.

I kinda figured this day would happen. When I got divorced I figured it would.

Back story and I’m not going to take you back that far, I try to be transparent on somethings but I will protect my family so please bear with me.

When I got divorced I chose not to fight for my kids against the advice of my lawyer (and my lawyer really had my best interest in mind) because I didn’t want to drag them through that. Broke my heart. Broke it. Still broken. I felt like I was doing what was best for my kids, I wanted to protect them and I didn’t want to create any more tension in an already tense situation. Joshua was at the time 7 and Grace was turning 4. Joshua is 11 now and has seen a lot of things and has had to deal with a lot of things that in his mind are wrong.

Let me give you an idea of what kind of heart Joshua has. When I sat Joshua down and talked to him about me and his mother getting a divorce and tried to explain things about how things would be and how it wasn’t his fault etc etc, he stop me and asked “what about Grace?” , I asked “what about her son? It’s not her fault either” , “no daddy, I can’t leave her, she has to come with us”. He had it set in his mind that he was going to live with me and wanted to make sure we brought Grace with us.

Bring it back to present tense. Today we were talking and it got brought back up some how about Joshua wanting to live me and his response is now, I don’t know. Up to this point he has wanted to live with me, today it’s I don’t know. I’m thinking to myself, typical undecided boy, that’s ok. It was ok until I looked at him and saw the hurt look in his eyes. Something was different. It was almost a look of  “I feel like I am torn between something I want to do and something I have to do”. I tried to talk to him about it but didn’t push the issue, I don’t want to add pressure to a boy that already feels pressured.

When we got home tonight we got a chance, just him and I, to talk about whats going on. His mother, has been, and I am using the word he used, bribing him and his sister to want to stay with her, and has been telling them that if they came to live with me they wouldn’t be able to do this that or anything else. He didn’t want to hurt anyone and he is afraid it would break his mother’s heart. We got to talk about a lot tonight. I ended our conversation the only way I knew how, reassure him that I love him and whatever decsion he makes I won’t be upset, I want him to live with me, but I won’t be mad or hurt if he doesn’t. I asked to him to pray and ask God for His guidance and listen for an answer. Ask himself what he thought would be best for Joshua, not his daddy, not his momma, but for Josh. Once again my kid has a heart that is bigger than any adult I know, his response to that was “daddy I would be better off with you because I can grow a better relationship with God here and I wouldn’t feel like some one is trying to buy my love”. I asked him to just pray for God’s will and to listen, God will.

I’m asking ya’ll to please pray for my son, an 11 year old shouldn’t have to pay for my sin. An 11 year old shouldn’t have to deal with that kind of pressure.

Questions from ‘the boy’

Ever since my son Josh was in the womb I have called him ‘the boy’ when referring to him.

The boy is starting to get to that point in his life that he is asking questions, that’s right before he knows everything so I have at least another year.

Side note, we were coming down off of the mountain that my dad has built his cabin on after a short visit and he went into a coughing fit, he made the comment when he was done that ‘he is falling apart in his old age’, the boy is 10. I said if 10 is old then what about my age? He said, ’ancient’. Little turd, well at least his mother is older than me, ha!

Anyway one of the questions he asked me after a long biblical discussion (my son received salvation last year) was if there really was a hell or was God just trying to scare people?

I could answer this two ways, and I say two because I only know two ways to answer any question, the truth or lie.

That was one that you have to think on because not answering this question properly could really cause problems so I did what any dad in my situation would do, I stalled.

Why do you ask that son?

I was just wondering.

Do you think it is real?

No.

Why don’t you think it is real?

I don’t know, God’s not mean like that?

Are you asking me if God’s not mean or telling me God’s not mean.

I don’t know.

Here is the point where caution is wise. At this point I could tell he was torn, he had it in his mind that God isn’t ‘mean’ and wouldn’t send someone to Hell, but he had a feeling dad was about to tell him he was wrong and that God will send people to Hell.

Before I get into my answer that I gave him let me tell you what was going through my mind. If my son didn’t recieve Christ into his heart because of a fear of Hell, then why did he? More on that in a few.

My answer to my son had to be a honest answer, a very delicate and well thought out answer, who in the heck am I going to call to give him this answer??? Dave? No, he’s not available, Jack? No, he’s like me about as subtle as a chain saw (love ya Jack), Kevin? No, he’s probably asleep. Crap!

I guess I’m gonna have to answer him (I know, back off ok, this is new ground in a lot of respects).

I tell him the truth.

Yes son, there is a Hell.

Why?

That’s were people go that haven’t received Christ as there savior.

Why?

Why, what?

Why would God do that?

Well I go into this big long speech about this scripture and that and talk, talk, talk.

Ok, so why is there a Hell?

(Smart kid). I guess buddy, God gives us a choice, either  we can love Him and He will bless us for it, or we can not have anything to do with Him, not ask Jesus to live inside us and punish us for it.

Oh, so if someone doesn’t ask Jesus to come into their heart then when they die the will go to Hell?

Yes. Does that scare you?

No, I have Jesus in my heart.

I may not have given the best theological answer there is, but my son understands there is a Hell and there are consequences to not receiving salvation. He also understands what that means for all his friends and all the people he loves that don’t have Christ, he understands now how important salvation is. So much so that he is asking his friends to come to church and his family.